The River Flows to Peace
by Cathook
Summary: What River experienced during the episode Serenity.


**Summary:** What River experienced during the episode _Serenity_.

**Reviews **arealways welcome.

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**The River Flows to Peace**

River wakes to the sound of silent screaming tearing through her mind. A moment ago her world was nothing but silence and ice, now her head is searing on the inside with scull-splitting noise. It takes her no more than a second to recognize one of the voices – _Simon_. She can't distinguish the words; they are muddled up with the voices of others – _unknown factors, can't compute_. As the lid of her resting place slides open she can feel their stunned surprise, a moment of calm stretching out as they take in what they see. One single word, spoken, from the man standing next to the cryo-box:

"Huh?"

It is hardly even a word when she comes to think of it. _A word: __the smallest element that may be uttered in isolation with semantic or pragmatic content. Does 'huh' hold semantic or pragmatic content?_ Her train of thought is interrupted by the return of psychic and vocal commotion. Her brother's voice is there again, but he is drowned out by all the others. He is worried though, she can tell, his mind screaming it while his voice carries only a hint of desperation. The man standing close – _the captain, the contradiction, name doesn't suit him._ He is angry, furious in fact. He thinks she is something she is not, something to be had, someone needing protecting. His mind and heart is racing with righteous defense on her behalf. The rest are all confused in their own way; the flower concerned, the amazon apprehensive, the leaf chocked and the gunman-ape … he is something her mind's never tasted before. The sight of her stirs up a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts and drives them through her head like a hurricane of glass.

The weight of the raging storm assaulting her psyche is too much to bear. She wants to tell them all to shut up. Explain what's really going on. _Need to talk to Simon_. She tries to shape the words in her mind, but as wild butterflies they flutter and escape from her fingers. _Can't choose linguistic elements to hold appropriate content. _She screams instead, sitting up with a jerk and clawing her way out of the box. They're all so loud, too loud. She has to get away, but there is nowhere to go out here in the black. _All alone, standing together on the raggedy edge._ She whimpers and curls into a tight ball to shield herself from their emotions and thoughts and the raging storm of their minds.

Hands touching her, instinctively she moves away. _Have to get away. Not let them hurt you again. Please don't hurt me again._ The hands persist and with them come a voice, a voice she knows. River tries to focus, to single out the sound of him from all the screaming in her head. Finally she manages; locking her eyes on him, sifting through the layers on layers of reality on top of what is really real.

"River…" he says. She can't tell if she heard him with her ears or her mind or if she just read his lips, but she recognizes him. Remembers his name.

"Simon…?" A word that holds so much meaning –_ so much content – _it should burst from the pressure built up inside. She can't stop the tears coming into her eyes. He is wondering if she is okay, she can hear it in his thoughts and his voice. She tries to explain. Needs him to understand.

"Simon…they talk to me, they want me … they want me to talk…"

He doesn't understand. _The words don't come out right; jumbled together until they lose their meaning –_ _their content. No, still hold their content but the constellation makes them meaningless. _Simon just draws her into his arms, speaking soothingly. Doesn't matter he don't understand – not to him. Just glad to hold her close, safe, away from that place. He can deal with understanding later. The captain can't. His befuddlement is written all over him, inside and out.

"What the hell is this?" River hears the words far away, through her ears and her mind, mingling the two together again. _Why is it so hard to hold one thought?_ Simon is strong though; holds his thoughts, defending her, taking care of her.

"This is my sister," he states. They still don't understand, no one can even begin to understand … except Simon. He knows a little.

They let him lead her to the infirmary. His hands are firm on her arms, grounding her, keeping her body on track while her mind floats free through the ship. Exploring, digging though the layers of memories painting the boat bright and scary on top of each other. Her eyes pass over the stairs, the sofa in the passenger area, turns to see the infirmary. White, cold, smells of sterile. _NO! Don't wanna. No, don't hurt me again._ She tries to turn away, but Simon coaxes her into the room. No one else could. She wouldn't go in for someone else. _I trust Simon. Told me we are safe._ _Don't feel safe though._ _Boat of_ _peace is full of anger and hate. The hidden serpent will rise to bite again._

River sits on the second bed in the infirmary. Haven't hardly noticed the girl on the main table. _Sunbeam will be fine. Simon's a good doctor, the best._ She tries to focus, but can't hold on to what is real. _Simon is real._ Simon is drawing something into a needle. _Don't want it! But Simon is a doctor, takes care of me…_ She sticks her tongue out for good measure, a little sign of what she thinks of his needle and his medicine. Takes it though, doesn't fight. Lets him tuck her in with a blanket. As the drug takes hold her mind slows down, gets quieter. _Can almost hold a thought._

Simon holds her hand until she falls asleep. Her dreams aren't as quiet as the cryo-sleep was. She can still hear the people on the boat, like far away voices on the wind. Simon's trying to explain. In her dream he stands on a hill speaking to the captain, the flower, the leaf, the amazon, the ape and the quiz. The snake isn't there, he's somewhere else. _Stuck in a hole, waiting for the chance to slither out and bite._ The heated emotions of argument make her twitch in her sleep.

Then there's something else. Something deeper, edging into her dream with rage and waking a memory buried far inside. _Isn't mine._ The captain is afraid, first time in all of this, actually afraid, but the beasts pass by. _Weren't hungry._ River sleeps easy for a while. Doesn't even notice the scare the captain gives her brother. Twitches again when the snake makes his move. Wakes up this time.

"Simon?" _Have to warn him._

Sunbeam tries to talk to her. River can't make out the words, the snake's anger is too loud. _Have to find him. _Snake finds her first. He's got a gun, threatening sunbeam. River knows the gun, the gun knows her. It scares her. Can't make a sound. Can trust sunbeam though – _have to remember that _– calling Simon for help.

Have to hide. Simon dropped from the sky, saving her, but more comes from the sky. _The beasts on the hunt. Hungry again._ Then the captain is there, killing the snake. Simon comes to take care of her again, but all she can see is the gun, the gun in his hand. His hand that is supposed to only heal. _Noooo…_

"Nooo…" she whimpers. He almost understands. Puts the gun away. She's barely there as he leads her through the ship again, headed for the flower's shuttle.

Her mind is full of the roaring of the beasts. But she already knows their destiny. _Can't fly like the leaf. _She smiles when his trick leaves them behind. The smile fades as they die, not turning quiet but joining the never-ceasing choir in her mind. The black is quiet though, and soon they are there. She likes it here, in the quiet, cold black. Gliding in the space between the stars. _Safe._

Simon's brings out the needle again, says what he gave her will help her sleep. _Don't want to sleep. I'm finally awake._

"I slept for so long…" She wishes he could stay in that place of calm before the sleep. Here she can think easier and really hear what Simon says.

"Just a little while. Then we'll find a place. We'll find a safe place."

She trusts him. Wants to say it, but something else comes out.

"I didn't think you'd come for me." The thought and memory is painful, making her wince. The words hurt Simon too; they make his eyes fill with tears. He tries to hide it with a joke.

"Well, you're a dummy."

River smiles back at him, hugging him tightly when he wraps his arms around her, and tucks her in again. Soon she is asleep. _Safe and sound. Thank you, Simon._


End file.
